Post by tealver on Mar 22, 2009 0:52:46 GMT -5
Alright, as you all know, I have not been active in the last few months... Mainly february and march. For this I will explain. starting with the beginning.
1. Homework, started during the end of january, I have been struggling with a business plan project that was due last friday. I finally got it done, but guess what... WAY OVER 30 PAGES LONG! it was like... 100! or more... and I barely got it done.
2. Work, I work on weekends, days that my brother is gone off to friends and I have free reign over the computer. Like now. Then on other free days between school and work I am stuck sleeping in bed. Or homework (until now)
3. Internet went down for a couple of weeks.
4.Dealing with many stressed put on me because of my friends and family.
5. Aunt Kara lost her job, she might have had to sell her horses.
6. Her boyfriend's ex wife causing drama that they can do nothing about. They can't stop the crap happening to his son without loosing him forever.
7. Another one of my friend's girlfriend is moving up and she absolutely hates me. I am not allowed over at his house until she is up and its frustrating. Cuz I need to vent and the only person I can talk to is off limits. All because I am respecting her wishes. Sure she is fine with other people being over there, but not me.
8. Matt Handley died March 14th of suicide, taking a 12 gauge to his head, then proceeding to taking his life. He was a friend of mine and a love to my friend Heather. So I am left picking up the pieces of her life, then comforting both her, other friends, and Matt's parents and family. Being that I am numb to human death now (lost four people now) I am a strong backbone that many are leaning on for support.
9. On top of this big cake, in the same weekend, a couple of my friend Reese's Friend's have gotten in a car crash. Jonas is wheelchaired for life, and Rachel misscarried at 2 months pregnant. So I am supporting them through Reese while supporting him.
It seems like my life is in shambles right now, everyone is down and I am the only one plugging ahead, trying to pick the pieces up one at a time and move this train back on the track. Yet each time I try something pulls me down into murky waters. Its getting harder and harder. Looks like 'Luck of the Irish' has run out on me. So I am struggling with a cool numbness my brain has sent into place. Trying to feel something other than nothing. Rarely I am feeling sad or angry, but it is all becoming to much. I want to unload it all but there is no one I can talk to. So I vented sort of here. But not really as much as I want to. Instead I am stuck thinking and thinking and thinking about things when I just want to put it behind me and move on. A deathtrap so to speak.
1. Homework, started during the end of january, I have been struggling with a business plan project that was due last friday. I finally got it done, but guess what... WAY OVER 30 PAGES LONG! it was like... 100! or more... and I barely got it done.
2. Work, I work on weekends, days that my brother is gone off to friends and I have free reign over the computer. Like now. Then on other free days between school and work I am stuck sleeping in bed. Or homework (until now)
3. Internet went down for a couple of weeks.
4.Dealing with many stressed put on me because of my friends and family.
5. Aunt Kara lost her job, she might have had to sell her horses.
6. Her boyfriend's ex wife causing drama that they can do nothing about. They can't stop the crap happening to his son without loosing him forever.
7. Another one of my friend's girlfriend is moving up and she absolutely hates me. I am not allowed over at his house until she is up and its frustrating. Cuz I need to vent and the only person I can talk to is off limits. All because I am respecting her wishes. Sure she is fine with other people being over there, but not me.
8. Matt Handley died March 14th of suicide, taking a 12 gauge to his head, then proceeding to taking his life. He was a friend of mine and a love to my friend Heather. So I am left picking up the pieces of her life, then comforting both her, other friends, and Matt's parents and family. Being that I am numb to human death now (lost four people now) I am a strong backbone that many are leaning on for support.
9. On top of this big cake, in the same weekend, a couple of my friend Reese's Friend's have gotten in a car crash. Jonas is wheelchaired for life, and Rachel misscarried at 2 months pregnant. So I am supporting them through Reese while supporting him.
It seems like my life is in shambles right now, everyone is down and I am the only one plugging ahead, trying to pick the pieces up one at a time and move this train back on the track. Yet each time I try something pulls me down into murky waters. Its getting harder and harder. Looks like 'Luck of the Irish' has run out on me. So I am struggling with a cool numbness my brain has sent into place. Trying to feel something other than nothing. Rarely I am feeling sad or angry, but it is all becoming to much. I want to unload it all but there is no one I can talk to. So I vented sort of here. But not really as much as I want to. Instead I am stuck thinking and thinking and thinking about things when I just want to put it behind me and move on. A deathtrap so to speak.
